Jokes,Rumors,Gossips,Amazing Videos
Catch The Baby
A soccer goalkeeper was walking along the street one day when he heard screams from a nearby building. He looked up to see smoke billowing from a fourth-floor window and a woman leaning out holding a baby.
"Help ! Help!" screamed the woman, "I need someone to catch my baby!"
A crowd of onlookers had gathered, but none was confident about catching a baby dropped from such a great height. then the goalkeeper, stepped forward. "I'm a professional goalkeeper," he called to the woman. "I'm renonwned for my safe hands. Drop the baby and I will catch it. For me, it will be just like catching a ball."
The woman agreed:"Ok, then. When I drop my baby, treat it as if you were catching a ball."
On a count of three, the woman dropped the baby. Everyone held their breath as the goalkeeper lined himself up to catch it. There was a huge sigh of relief, followed by wild cheering as the goalkeeper caught the baby safely in his arms. Then he bounced it twice on the ground and kicked it 50 yards down the street.
A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that the there is a spare seat in between himself and the next guy.
“Who would ever miss the World Cup final?” Asks the man.
“That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.” Explains the guy.
“That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another member of the family, friend or someone else to come with you?” Asks the man.
“No…..They are all at the funeral!”
The United and City Car Crash Joke
A Man City and Man United fan collide in a huge accident on the motorway. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.
"This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends" says the City fan "I agree" replies the United fan
The City fan then returns to the wreckage of his car, and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.
"Look" he says to the united fan, "this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival"
He hands the bottle over to the United fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the City fan, who then puts the top back on & returns the bottle to his car.
"Aren't you having any?" asks the United fan. "No" replied the City fan, "I think I’ll wait til the Police get here."
The bully manager
Our club manager won't stand for any nonsense. Last Saturday he caught a couple of fans climbing over the stadium wall.
He was furious. He grabbed them by the collars and said,
"Now you just get back in there and watch the game till it finishes."
Funeral?
One afternoon an elderly man turned up at the offices of a large Manchester company.
"Good afternoon;" he said, "I'm Tony Collier's uncle. I've come to ask if he can have the afternoon off so I can take him to the match."
"I'm afraid he's not here," came the reply, "We already gave him the afternoon off so he could attend your funeral."
Christ Returns to the NBA
After a two-year hiatus from basketball, Jesus Christ returned to the NBA last night, playing with his former team, the Atlanta Hawks. Christ, who quit the sport in May 1994 to focus on spreading His message of universal love and compassion, made His triumphant return last night against the Bulls, just in time for Easter Sunday. The return of Christ, who averaged 18.2 points and 7.3 assists per game during his 10-year NBA career, has excited success-hungry Hawks fans, who are calling Him the team's "Savior."
Said Atlanta resident and devout Christian Jeff Voorhees, "Jesus is Lord."
Christ's decision to return to the Hawks surprised insiders, considering for years the Nazareth native had been crucified by the Atlanta press. Ever since He was drafted third overall out of Texas A&M in 1986, Christ has been labeled "too passive and forgiving" to ever lead the Hawks to the promised land. Christ, however, has decided to turn the other cheek.
"I forgive Atlanta Journal-Constitution sportswriter Stan Sheridan," Christ said. "He knows not what he writes."
The closest Christ came to signing with another team came in December, when He spent 40 days and 40 nights in the desert with Detroit Pistons coach Doug Collins. After consulting His father, God, Christ decided to turn down the Pistons' offer of 30 gold pieces.
"Get thee behind me, Coach Collins," Christ reportedly said.
Though some say the media led Christ to quit basketball, many contend He quit after being betrayed by teammate Kevin Willis during a 1994 Celtics-Hawks playoff game. With three seconds left and the Hawks trailing by one, Christ was wide open underneath the basket for an easy lay-up. Instead of passing to Christ, Willis took a wild shot from three-point range, missing the net completely. After the game, a visibly upset Christ stretched out His arms and said, "Kevin Willis, why hast thou forsaken me?"
Despite the controversies, Hawks teammates and personnel are excited t
Who's to blame?
Ball - Strikers scapegoat
Defender - Goalkeepers scapegoat
Goalkeeper - Defenders scapegoat
Midfielder - Everybody's scapegoat
Beckham turns down Everton offer
David Moyes revealed last week that he wanted to bring the former Manchester United star back to the Premier League on a short-term deal.Butr Beckham insists there's no chance he'll head to Goodison Park during the Major League Soccer close season.
Micheal Owen to Aston Villa?
NEW Aston Villa boss Gerard Houllier has confirmed he would be keen on signing Manchester United striker Michael Owen.
Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/football/3140708/Gerard-Houllier-plots-swoop-for-Man-United-striker-Michael-Owen.html#ixzz16tajgEJc
Arsenal keeper to remain at Hull
Arsenal keeper Vito Mannone hopes to extend his loan deal at Hull City beyond January after featuring in a run of three matches for the Championship side.